Know You Should
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Is ‘not Knowing’ Good?
My clients sometimes arrive at our sessions distressed. “I’d love to be different, but I don’t know how.” I always ask questions: “How do you feel about this ‘not knowing?’” It simply has not occurred to them that it might be just fine that they don’t know which steps they’ll take next.
‘Not knowing’ your next move is something to celebrate as it opens up a multitude of possibilities. We often react to new situations based on how we’ve handled similar past scenarios, irrespective of whether our past actions provided our desired results.
If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got.
Here are a few statements that have helped my clients moving forward. “I want something different, but I can’t see what that looks like.”.” “I’d love more stability, but who the heck knows how to get there from here?”.” “I want a more loving relationship with my spouse, even though I don’t know how to get there just yet.”
This is an excellent beginning. When we puzzle over our options, we change our lives around what we desire, not what we had in the past. We open up to new possibilities. Let’s explore just one of the above examples.
“I’d love more stability, but who the heck knows how to get there from here?”.”
Clients share that balance typically means exercise to them. A typical challenge is this: they used to run or play basketball, but their joints will no longer support these activities so now they are lost.
Somewhere in the depths of their minds we discover a belief that if they don’t exercise the way they used to, they’re not exercising at all. Stating “I don’t know what comes next” relaxes them. They can now contemplate other options without the heaviness of ‘having to know.’
Perhaps they decide to take a month or two to decide. Is it yoga? Go to a few different yoga classes to see if there is a fit? Could it be an exercise class, some sport, trying out meditation? If you don’t see an immediate solution, you are 100% free to look at alternatives to see what might stretch you into a better you, and not remain the old one.
This week, explore assumptions in the depths of your mind. What options open up to you if you simply give yourself permission to ‘not know?’ Enjoy your discoveries and have a grand week.
About the Author
For the sake of keeping your career fresh and on track, would you like to enjoy a weekly shot-in-the-arm from Master Certified Coach Ann Golden Egl
